**** This post will be written in english and Malay (Rojak). Please apologize for the wrong grammar and spelling for both language ****
**** Content with Triggered Warning *****
I was working in the travel industry. And this is one of the industries affected among other industries following the Covid-19 pandemic due to closed borders and etc. On 18 May 2020 (A week before Hari Raya celebration) the company had announced that they were downsizing and some of the employees will be receiving their lay off.
I was one of the employees that received the lay off letter during that day and this is my first time receiving a retrench letter from the company. It was a nightmare. After the briefing, the only thing that I did was crying. I was not able to explain to the family member during that time. (it was 2 hours before the breaking fast). I lay down and do nothing except crying.
A lot of things were in my mind during that time. What kind of job that I can apply for as I know, most of the companies doing the same during this pandemic. How can I survive, how to pay all the loans that I have, the housing and a lot more things. The worst things happened during that night was my anxiety, difficulty to breath and the only things that I had in my mind were suicidal thoughts.
A week, I only lay down, stayed in my room and only went out for the toilet or bath. (That is when my mum and my youngest sister scolded me). Suddenly, I was afraid to go out by myself, afraid to drive and a lot more. It’s taken me a month to overcome my fear and anxiety. My depression became worse. I am thinking about ending my life several times due to the stress of being unemployed and family issues.
Syukur Allah masih lagi beri peluang untuk aku bernafas dan rezeki aku kat atas muka bumi nie. After six month being unemployed, akhirnya aku dapat kerja juga. Kerja yang aku tak sangka aku boleh dapat sebab, aku tunggu lama gila nak dapat kerja tu. I think I might have been rejected since, aku tak de experience langsung. Sesuatu yang lain dari norma kerja kerja aku sebelum nie. Bukan, travel industry, bukan customer services or front office, bukan hotel jugak. Alhamdulillah. Aku dah boleh tarik nafas lega.
As of now, yang aku boleh kata adalah, keadaan aku agak baik berbanding dulu. Of course ada up and down but aku cuba sedaya upaya untuk keluar daripada sakit nie. Aku nak sihat dan nak jadi macam dulu. Aku boleh berjalan kemana saja or buat apa saja yang aku nak tanpa aku perlu kisah pandangan or cacian dari orang. Aku berharap aku terus kuat. Nanti kalau aku ada masa aku akan share my experience during aku down or yang boleh aku katakan my healing journey.
Until then, Terima kasih to kawan2 bestfriends yang sentiasa berada dekat belakang aku, tak kira apa keadaan aku, sanggup bersusah payah untuk aku. Family aku especially adik-adik aku yang cuba sedaya upaya diorang untuk bantu aku dan paham masalah aku, dengar luahan hati aku, menangis dengan aku. Tolong doakan agar aku kuat untuk teruskan perjalanan hidup ini dan doakan agar aku jadi insan yang lebih baik daripada dulu, doakan agar aku sihat. Aku doakan agar semua insan-insan terbaik yang sentiasa berada disamping aku dilindungi, dirahmati, dipermudahkan urusan, dikurniakan rezeki yang tiada penhujung.
Assalammualaikum dan Salam Kasih Sayang.
Isz,
